eatyourpizza

Jerry Springer Bullshit

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:33:15 GMT

My life feels like a bad daytime TV show. Right now I have issues with my fuckbuddy's babymama. Seriously. Bitch called up my phone using a tone on my voicemail. "Uhm. Like. This is Danny's BABY MAMA, and you need to get him to call me." But the way she said it made me so mad because she doesn't know me, not a bit, and I think it's rude as all hell to use certain tones with people you don't even know.

I've been trying hard to not let other people's drama get into my life, I have, but aparently I have skill with my own dramacentral.

Dude, wasting time

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 18:04:34 GMT

If a stranger told you that you were beautiful would you believe them? Yeah, and I'd be flattered. Do you get cranky when you’re hungry? Depends. What eye color on the opposite sex do you like the most? Any color works for me. Where will you be tomorrow at this time? Asleep hopefully. When was the last time you wore black pants? The last time I wore them coffee got spilled on them or I'd wear them today. Do you hope your children are like you one day? I hope if I do create spawn they are as sexy as me with half the mental issues. Do you have a foul mouth? What the fuck do you think? Do you think you’re attractive? I know I am. Has anyone ever told you that you were self centered? A couple of people, but I always assume I am anyways. What is the color of the chair you sitting in? I'm sitting on a futon with a purple cover. So I guess if this was considered a chair (which right now it's in bed mode, so it's really not a chair) it would be purple. How's your day been? I haven't slept since before working last night, and after I came home from work I wanted three things, two of which were obtained from dunkin donuts Do you regret anything? I try my hardest not to, but lately I'm not so sure. Plans for tomorrow? Work. Do you want to see someone this very minute? I am looking at the back of Steven's head. Do you like anyone? Yeah, that aformentioned boy. Fucker. How late did you stay up last night? Uhh... I didn't sleep. So I guess 1pm today? Was your last kiss a mistake? It was intended. What is bothering you right now? I want to smoke but I don't have anything to smoke. Would you take your last ex back? No fucking way. Did the last person you kissed have piercings or tattoos? A tattoo. What do you hear right now? Steven trying to read. Have you ever dropped your cell phone in water? I lost my cellphone in a snow storm, does that count? Are you a smart ass? Nope, not at all. Snarky comments never leave my innocent mouth. How's your ex? Which one? The one who lives across the hall tried to get my new key from Steven, which is sort of fucked up if you ask me. I mean what the fuck man? I don't think I'm about to give you a key if I'm the fucker who changed the locks after you went psycho on me. How's your hair look? Really really bad. I need a hair cut like woah. Are you talking-talking to anyone? Nope, just chilling. What are some lyrics to the song your listening to? "I'm a playa" Have you smiled today? Hell yeah, I'm feeling pretty good for some reason. When was the last time you fell flat on your ass? Like, lifewise, or actually falling? Because I'm waiting to fall on my ass in life, but the other day I slipped in the snow and totally crashed on my ass. Are you happiest in a relationship or single? I enjoy being in a relationship, it makes me feel special and appreciated and needed. I guess I'm sorta addicted to having someone loving to be around me. Can you talk to people about your feelings? One or two, but there's only one person I can tell anything, and that's my tommy. How many piercings/tattoos do you want? I want two tattoos and maybe get a couple more piercings. Do you like to be hugged? Very much, I will take hugs from almost anyone. Kissed? Hell yeah, I'll kiss anyone I like. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone for longer than an hour? Tommy! Do you like the person you last kissed? Yeah, but that won't work very well. Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? Fuck off. Of course I can, and it sucks. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? I prefer autumn. Does it take a lot to make you cry? It used to not, but lately I've had a hard time crying even though I'm all stressed out and life seems to hate me. Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? I guess, but I really should be trying to do more for my self.

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:21:36 GMT

Man, Life. That's about all I have to say. I have work tonight.

I've had a lot on my mind.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:17:32 GMT

I guess a lot of it really adds to how stressed out I've been lately. It sort of sucks. I have this problem where I happen to care too much too quickly for someone. It sucks. I really wish I didn't have a thing for the person that I do, because their life is all fucked up anyways. Their girlfriend is pregnant, they have to pay a ticket that they don't have money for, the list honestly goes on. I know I'm probably going to be the one forwarding him the money for the ticket, but at the same time I wish I wouldn't let myself do half the shit that I do because I'm just going to be walked on in the end. I wish I wasn't such a doormat. But I guess that's all I can be.

Lately I feel pretty unattractive, which bugs me. I don't mean to say normally I'm the hottest thing in the room, but usually I feel okay about the amount of sex appeal that I might have, but I really am not feeling it lately. I just feel like I look washed out and plain. It starts to make me feel down in other ways too, which bugs me more because I shouldn't let myself beat up on myself. But I guess that's okay.

I need a break. I feel like taking a trip and not telling anyone where I'm going. Maybe on one of my weekends.

On a different note, I guess I'm getting nitro put into my car. It wasn't really my choice, but it works.

Oh wow.

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:48:31 GMT

Apparently I'm supposed to meet up with a dude named Jose. Not that I mind it too much, but the idea of Steven hooking me up with someone makes me sigh. It'll be pretty good though.

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 12:43:43 GMT

I ripped my favorite pants today. I'm battling with my self about my feelings over a number of things. I want something strongly, but it's probably just the idea of something. I need to take a shower, I need to dye my hair into a subnormal color, because work doesn't like me with purple hair, even if I look hot. I need to shave my legs. I need to get my nerves together.
Trying to become myself again feels a lot like reading a book backwards, but it's a book without plot.

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 12:39:33 GMT

I met an angel with devils claws, she told me to hold out until the applause. When the curtain rose again,I looked upon some long lost friends.

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:51:41 GMT

I chased a dragon through the lines, thought that his fire was a guiding light. Found out that I was incorrect, got burned again. Guess all that's left is to stay his friend.

Woo.

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:41:36 GMT

Derek and I are going out now. I might have mentioned him, my awesome next door neighbor. He makes me happy. It's funny, he gets concerned that I might stop caring for him just because of his psychological and medical issues. I've never been that shallow, mainly because I can keep pace with anyone who points out their issues.
I go into work friday at 11pm, and then again on saturday. I'm so ready for this paycheck. You've got no idea.

Today I'm running to JC Penney to pick Derek up some socks. I've seen homeless people with better socks then this boy has. I'm also getting some body wash because I ran out.
Eventually I need to run to the womens clinic and get more birth controll.

I need to write a bio for myself and post my info to the penpal community.

I'm amused that for once my sleep schedule is what most people would call fucked up, but it's for a reason for once. A reason that doesn't include vidjagaemz.

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:50:05 GMT

I broke up with Anthony, not because I don't love him, but because I really suck at long distance relationships. It sorta really sucks. If I had the money I'd probably have already left for pensylvania to talk to him and hold him and tell him everything on my mind.
Today I finally got my new car all plated and got the title transfered. Wee.

:\ When it rains, it pours.

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:18:14 GMT

So meijers called me back and took my social security card, that's good news.
Then I was driving my car and it stalled out on me, I didn't think too much of it but I was a little concerned, but my sister wanted me to go out and visited her, so I drove my ass out to Ann Arbor, drove back home, no problems. I go to start my car the next day and the peice decided to not work. It wouldn't go faster then 3 miles per hour, at most, the gears aren't gripping when I try to go forward, and it's really frusterating because this all happens at once.
I love my car. It got me to Texas, to Kentucky, to Pensylvania, and then back to Michigan countless of times. I'm really sad that it had to die on me, but it did, this stuff happens.
Now the best bet is to buy a new car. I really need the job at meijers right now, and if I don't get it I don't know, maybe I'll become a grower or something.

I can't not have money, I have shit to do. I know if there is a will there is a way, and I'm not about to turn over and give up just yet, but I feel pretty bad right now. I know I'll pull through, there's no way not to, but it just figures that this happens all at once. I know that now I can't go visit anywhere for thanksgiving or christmas, and even what I was thinking about doing with moving anthony up here seems a bit hard, but I don't want to load this shit onto him. I know that he wants to be there for me, but I'm not sure if he'd understand, and really, it's not too big of a deal, just life, and sometimes when life wants to, it hits harder then I enjoy taking.

I guess that part of why I'm so scared and annoyed about this is that I was going to go up to the college, to start to show people that I do have plans in my life, even if they don't see it. It frusterates me so much that I'm unable to do that, because not only do I want to show them that, but I need to show myself that too right about now. I am trying to take this in stride, but it's hard. It's really hard. I guess all I want tot do is hold my cat, Hexadecimal, and make sure it'll all be alright. Honestly he's like a purring black security blanket.

Yo.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:04:25 GMT

I was bored and chilling out with Angie, Derrik, and Kyle and I was bored so we bleached my hair. It looks pretty fucking sweet I think, everyone tends to agree. I'll probably upload pics. Feeling pretty good right now. Might take in a kitten.

Today

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 00:12:20 GMT

Today was a long ass day, I went to job interview at 2 pm, before that I picked up Derrik and Kyle and wasted a half tank of gas just driving up and down 75 until 12:30, came home, talked to derrik more, took a shower, did my hair, changed clothes, went to job interview, got the first one and the second interview done in one day, for some fucking reason Meijers makes you go through 3 interviews. I would have gone to the third one but the final supervisor flew coop early.
Then on the way home Anthony and I had serious conversation about how he's nervous about the people I'm hanging out with and worried about my lack of sleep, then I got sad because all I ever do is worry him and it hurt that he didn't trust my judgement, we talked though it and it was all good.
After that I went and hung out with Derrik, Angie (His fiance), and Kyle. We went to the park, chilled out, froze our asses off, went back to my apartment where there is heat and happiness, ordered pizza, it was like 20 minutes late on delivery time so they gave us a very suspicious free square and Derrik was the only fucker here crazy enough to eat it, and then right after had to run to the bathroom.

Jackie called me while we were all chilling. Jackie is my sister, I love her dearly, but right now she's still a little pissed at me because I told her boyfriend in waiting that I approved of his efforts but if he fucks her over I'll punch him in the face, and recently I've learned that I've got some friends who are willing to do the same but to more extremes, seeing as I'm , you know, not a muscly 6'4 mother fucker built like a tank.

Oh my god.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:33:06 GMT

I haven't slept since roughly 8 am yesterday, and even then that's giving myself more credit then truth. I couldn't sleep last night so I went on an adventure with my awesome apartment neighbor, we drove around for about 4 hours, then got lost, then I had to pee so I pulled into this farm houses driveway so I could piss behind their horse trailer, and then 5 pugs and 3 mutts started barking at my car and my pissing and an angry farmer came out and wanted to know why we were on his property, then we explained we were lost, we made it like 45 minutes away from where we needed to be.
Then once I got back on 94 from 23 some asshole in the car infront of me decided it was a good idea to slam on his breaks in the fast lane, making me slam on my breaks, and since I was not the one with the brand new honda civic guess who rear ended a fucking idiotic michigan state student? Me. Guess what the fucker did? Not get out of his car and extange information with me and solve it civilly, no. He called 911, I got a ticket for failure to break, and his bumper is all bent up so if my insurance doesn't take care of it and even if it does I really don't want to be sued. The only reason why I worry about that is because something like that happened to my mom. Someone did an illeagle turn and then a year later, almost when statute of limitations were up, the passanger in the car decided to sue my mom. So knowing my luck rich idiotic college boy could wait and decide to sue me.
After I was done with the cop and the idiot, I was pulling out of the side of the highway and my phone rang, it went to voicemail, but the only positive thing is I did get a job interview at Meijer on saturday at 2.
And when we got back home, I changed, dragged Derrik (Neighbor) to the grind, got a 4shot medium mocha latte (note: this is pretty much pure espresso with chocolate and steamed milk) and then went up to the womens clinic 45 minutes early, and there was a 3 hour wait, by the time I got in there and waited on the bed, my period decided to start, so the doctor was like "Yeah, come back on the 4th at 3pm" and so now I have to do that process all over again.
When I got home I went to park across the street from my apartment because it was the logical thing to do from the direction that I was coming, and then my neighbor on that side of the road was like "Can't you park on the other side of the road? Me and my daughter like to park here" and that would have been nice if he didn't say it in the rudest bastard way ever, and then he added "And I've got back issues. It's what neighbors are for." in the same tone. At that point I just bursted out crying, drove my car around, parked infront of my apartment because I was hysterical but nice, and then sat in my car and vented. And then I went up stairs and cried more and called Anthony.
Then I wrote a letter to my pen pal I just made explaining all of this in more detail, and when I was ripping it out of the spiral stationary book I wrote it in I accidently wripped off the bottom left corner of each of the 5 pages in little inch and some pie shape.
Then I decided I wanted to go to the post office after I tried to sleep and couldn't and I walked it off, stopped in the candy store, bought my self some candy and a wall-e tin lunchbox, smoked a cigarrette or two on my walk home and then I crawled into bed and started to type this.
Did I mention that the wireless router that I got isn't connecting to the internet today but it did perfectly fine yesterday? it's fucking awesome :\.
I'm going to make my parents look at it for me since thats actually their paying jobs at their work anyways, so they might have more of a clue then me at how to fix the issue. Dad needs to come over here anyways and fix the fan in the kitchen wall that my mom broke.
I need to clean my apartment tomorrow. I think that's my only plan.

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 04:53:44 GMT

I'm updating. Things are going pretty okay, but a little scary. I got an apartment in Wyandotte, MI. I haven't gotten a job yet though, which introduces the scary part. I paid for 6 months rent in advance, which really put me tighter on cash then I wanted to be, but it got me someplace to live where I wasn't feeling like I outlasted my stay. I am looking for a job, I've been looking for a while now, but the problem is that it's really hard to find a job without previous work. I'm trying, I promise. I don't want to work fast food though, because of my chicken allergy. It's really frusterating. If I could get into a fast food place that didn't serve chicken, we'd be all good, but when I touch it, I itch, and I don't like itching.

Tomorrow I'm getting my first pelvic exam, and to be honest, I'm a little scared- the whole thing is just uncomfortable.
I think I'm almost done being a night owl, I've been getting to sleep pretty early lately, it's a good thing.
I want some movies to watch. Hmm.

I really should update more.

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:36:19 GMT

Things are going pretty good. Moving in to an apartment in Belleville, MI, if things turn out that way, anyways. I've been looking for a job, I hope I can get one. I really don't know what to say. I've got a boyfriend, he's really cute. It's probably a different one since the last time I updated, but this one seems like he will work out, and not only be using me for sex. Woo?
Anyways, excited about apartment, I've gotta go buy groceries for my grandfather though. Boo.

Oh dear lawd.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:44:31 GMT

Oh god. Funny shitz happened to me, and the only reason I find it funny is because I am mildly warped. I was giving head, doing my thing, guy cums, at the same time I hit my nose the wrong way and it starts bleeding. He still enjoyed himself, I thought it was funny though, after a couple of seconds he's like.. Oh.. shit.. that's blood. "Nah, baby, that's mine, it's all good." Lovely. Incredibly lovely. I swear, I enjoy my friends that let me have my way with them. I have to admit, I've gotta watch it, but that's okay.
Last night I had the worst migrane on earth, could've been worse though.

Relationships. I need to just stay out of them, I swear to god. I'm fine with this fuckfriend thing, I'm great at that. No attachments, just enjoying eachothers company in that way, but the moment I make attachments to someone, things start going wrong, so I need to stop it.

I guess that's it.

Blah.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:48:38 GMT

Hi. I'm sorry that I'm so blah lately, it just seems to be the way it shakes. I am driving home. Eww. But driving home will happen that way. I'm going to pick up cigarettes, drive on out, get it done. Just can't see me hauling ass because my parents aren't exactly people who make me enthused to leave out.

Depression, Cloves, and Self Deceit

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:10:12 GMT

I can be honest, I might have just used that title because I appreciate the way it sounds, and it's quite fitting. I mean, it's nothing horrible, mostly because I sit here going "Oh. That's nice." I need to get out and do things, I know that. But at the same time, I'm okay, I mean, I know if I don't get out it will get worse. I have a hard time sleeping at night. I do. I need to work on that. Amanda has pills. I think it's where I've been sleeping. That bed sucks. Deceit? I've had plenty of that too. Starting off with not wanting to leave the house. Lies, I don't need to leave, I'm alright. Yeah! Awesome. I'll pretend that I'll have fun going back home. Yep.
That's pretty much it.

Ohi Journal

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 20:53:53 GMT

I know you're the thing I always go to with all my stuff I don't bust into the open, but I figure you'd appreciate this one, maybe.
I have had a boyfriend for about three weeks, right? I sorta broke up with the other guy with him in mind, but that doesn't change that things between Doug and myself wouldn't have worked out anyways.
Anyways, new guy wants to keep me a secret from his family too. What the fux! It's annoying, but I guess it's part of what I have to work with. He's really gorgeous, though, and he's kind and sweet. He wants to be a writer, and really likes scifi. I don't have any bad feelings about the relationship so far. One day we almost just broke up though because he wasn't sure he was ready for it, and then he changed his mind, which I guess that's cool.
I keep writing letters to people that I never intend to send really. I mean, I have written like.. four different ones to Tylers mother, introducing myself, explaining things, that sort of thing. I know I'll never give them to her. I wonder if this is the way people feel when they write letters to their baby to be?
Babies.. ugh. I really am sick of kids.
I guess that's all I really have to say. Peace.

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:59:38 GMT

._.; I'm astoundingly fast in my changing my mind, but I guess it's better then breaking hearts.
I think that was my shortest relationship, but it didn't need to be longer, it would have just made things harder.

Boys.

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 07:44:01 GMT

So I didn't update this at all. But me and my last boyfriend broke up. He left me for another girl. Whatever. That was back in april. I moved back home to Michigan. I've been sort of looking for someone to date. I think I've found it, and it's not even someone in Michigan, just my luck. He seems really sweet though.
His name is Doug, he lives in Maryland.
Meanwhile, someone I don't really know/not incredibly interested in in Michigan, I'm visiting on Sunday. If he turns out to be a psycho murderer, you heard it first, sir.

Identity

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 07:32:02 GMT

You know, when I made this, I was sort of determined to keep it mostly anonymous. I recently found out that my roommate has a journal with the same concept. I know I haven't put too much in this journal at all. Mostly because I get tired of complaining about the same shit always. Life is pretty good sometimes, and really I don't want to have to whine about the same thing every day. I haven't gotten a job yet. I haven't done a lot of things I thought I would. I half want to get my cards read and tempt fate, but at the same time I know better, they just tell you vague things that could be affecting your life eventually. Though, I do have to envy them, they make a good living for people selling vague sentences and generalizations. My favorite thing is when one of the ladies at the card reading place just didn't even bother, she told someone to go join weight watchers. I wonder if they can get in trouble for not even bothering to fake it. That's like watching really bad porn, where one of the people is just sitting there filing their nails while the other is making a lame attempt at sex.
After going without music for about three days, my music sounds great to hear. Music in general is amazing, I'm starting to appreciate all different walks of music, too, and not just what I grew up with. The hardest part is getting people I know to listen to music that is outside of their element.

Guh.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:21:50 GMT

Last night my room mate and I spent the night over my friend Jonathan's house. It was pretty fun, but the ending of the night was shadowed by Damian calling me because he was feeling down and wanted someone to talk to. I feel increadibly useless when he's sad because I suck at making him happy and usually I just make things worse for him. It really starts to get to me. I'm going to call him later this morning to make sure he's okay, because it really worries the hell out of me. I guess things are mostly okay. I made plans for the fetish ball, and I think that's about it. I get my watch tomorrowor monday.
My package should come I think tuesday? whatever, it'll be good.

My lover and his crazy ideas.

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 03:21:10 GMT

I happen to wonder sometimes about where I am in my current relationship. I mean, I'm not in hell, I'm not in eternal bliss, I'm mostly content. I can't think of much I could want to change, except his views on me. I'm not entirely as delicate as he would think I am. I do happen to get scared of two things: Yelling (when I think it's unreasonable. If two people are yelling then rock out, whatever. I try to not let it get to me. His house is just too hectic for me), and I happen to have this big fear of being annoying/ upsetting someone I care about.

I don't really have high morals, I pretty much like the idea of being a mix between misanthrope, humanitarian and hedonist. I like watching people, I like helping people, but then I realize that the majority of people tend to be idiots. I like pleasing others, I like pleasing myself. Hedonism in general is a good idea to me, I like seeking pleasure in life.

I mentioned something the other day, I said that I wouldn't mind marrying my beau one day. This is one thing caused so much drama. I didn't mean anytime soon, HELL! I think I need to grow up a lot more before anything serious, and if I need to grow up a lot, well, he has several years to grow and experience life. What I really meant was eventually, one day, once I feel damned like it, it would be good. In fact, it wouldn't even have to be the lover himself. Just someone who's like him; you know, nice, handsome, considerate, kind. It doesn't need to be him, it's just a good idea to go with what you know.

Course, I start to wonder about somethings. I wonder how happy he really is in our relationship, or how happy I really am in my relationship. I don't feel wanderlust, I don't feel like much. I am pretty happy with my boyfriend, I don't feel any crushes or want to go and break some hearts.
He flirts with other girls, but he says that he's content where he is at, and he isn't looking for anyone because he's happy with me. I wonder if I should leave it as is.

Eventually lately there's a thing coming up called The Fetish Ball. I'm wondering what I'll wear if I go and if I go will I hook up with anyone. I doubt that I'll hook up with someone, but I really want to go.
I want to go and look pretty. I always look pretty, but I want to fucking rock out. We'll see.